I talk honestly and openly about my experiences with mental illness, fibromyalgia, and chronic fatigue syndrome through the lens of feminism, fat acceptance and process theology. I also do recipe and book reviews. My mission is to spread the message that hope is always real for a better life, despite living in a world that is often very harsh.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Repeat after me: "I will have peace and rest..." - Psalm 4

I am feeling a bit discouraged tonight and it is late, so I will go to bed soon-hopefully, I will feel refreshed in the morning. If I had a bit more energy, I would try to read and meditate on the psalms, which are calling to me right now.

Why am I feeling a bit downtrodden? Because California's supreme court upheld Proposition 8 today and I was stuck at my thankless job, instead of being able to protest at Piedmont Park in Atlanta. I feel like my spiritual talents are wasting away, while I try not to be rude to customers while selling appliances that I frankly do not care about at all. (IS it possibe to care about selling refrigerators? I suppose, but I do not...) I am stuck in the retail rut and I feel like a rat in a maze searching for my little bit of cheese...

Here is my adaptation of the fourth psalm - I hope you will also find it comforting:

I can be bold with you, Godde;
Listen to me!
Mercy was once mine-
Let it be mine again!
Hear my prayer-
Act on my behalf!

How long, O you unfaithful,
Will you mock my righteousness?
How long will you seek lies instead
Of loving the truly valuable?

O you faithful, listen to me!
Godde does not appreciate lies and mockery-
You cannot be close to the Almighty that way.

(I, myself, am very close-
Godde, listen to me!)

Be angry, and yet stay righteous!
Focus on your heart.
Be still.
Trust.
Give.

Doubters say, "Who will show us goodness?"
But I say, "Godde, lift up your veil! Let your face shine!"

When my storehouse is full of grain
And I am drunk on wine,
My heart is still not as glad as I am today.

I will have peace and rest,
For You are my stronghold.

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