I talk honestly and openly about my experiences with mental illness, fibromyalgia, and chronic fatigue syndrome through the lens of feminism, fat acceptance and process theology. I also do recipe and book reviews. My mission is to spread the message that hope is always real for a better life, despite living in a world that is often very harsh.

Friday, June 26, 2009

You Don't Have to Change At All...

I am feeling a bit sad this evening and although this video is cheery, I'm afraid it's not helping much. This video is from "Free to Be, You and Me" and features a young Michael Jackson and Roberta Flack singing the song, "When We Grow Up." The movie, music, and book influenced my life in ways that I cannot even begin to appreciate. Oh, Michael, when Flack sings, "You don't have to change at all," I think she meant it...



Aside from all the news about Michael Jackson's death everywhere, I am struggling right now for a whole variety of reasons.
#1-I thought I was going to have an interview with the executive director of NAMI today. I had a telephone interview with him Wednesday and he said that I might get an email about scheduling an interview for Friday and he even asked me what time of day would be good for me and then he never called or emailed. I sent him an email Thursday night, but received no response. I am crushed. I really long for a better job and I am truly talking about more than merely material goods (though more money and the ability to move out would be fantastic...)

#2-I woke up this morning with a huge sore lump on my neck and had to go to the doctor. Apparently I've got a staph infection. I look gross! I've got sores all over my body and just feel overall unappealing and yucky...

#3-I decided that since I had to cancel working today and it really did need to get done, I got a new driver's license to replace the one I lost when I visited my brother about a month ago. It was a HoRrIbLe experience! The new computer system broke down, the lines were long and confusing, ultimately leaving me in tears at one point.

#4-I'm going on a church retreat tomorrow and I'm more worried and anxious than my usual self-I'm always in at least a small part worried and anxious..because the pharmacist told me that the antibiotics I'm taking will make me very sensitive to the heat and just afraid that I am not going to be any fun. I'm 28 and a fuddy-duddy. Oy!

Anyway, so I am trying a new thing where I remind myself of the things I am grateful for, so let's see if there are any possible reasons...

#1-Honestly, the only thing I can think of with the job is that there has got to be something even better. It's a little hard to grasp right now, since I, of course, do not know what it is... I found out yesterday that my favorite manager at work just left-the official title is "lead sales associate"-and I'll try to capture the promotion. It would be an improvement, but certainly not a career.

#2-I was able to get my medication for free at Publix! (Publix has eight common antibacterial prescriptions available for free and mine was one of them.)

#3-This one is actually where I feel a little pride in myself! When I've been wronged, I have a rich herstory of swallowing my emotions and inwardly torturing myself. Hence, the eating disorder. So even though, I did get a wee bit teary at one point, after there was all this confusion about what line I was supposed to stand behind and other such shit, I did ask the manager if she had any comment cards and I got one and will fill it out and send it out sometime this weekend. To the staff's credit, most of them were very nice and I really felt sorry for them, as my Sears Outlet is also currently undergoing the woes of a new software program.

#4-I am going to the North Georgia mountains! To an awesome cabin with some of the coolest people ever! I get to supply the kids with sugar-water (aka Pop-Ice) and since it was planned, I won't be blamed when they all get strung up on the sugar! heh heh Okay, so that made me smile. All I can say is M. better give me one of his signature hugs! (He's the youngest of the kids that will be there and somehow we've formed a bond.) So, M.! Listen up, bro! "You don't have to change at all!"

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