I talk honestly and openly about my experiences with mental illness, fibromyalgia, and chronic fatigue syndrome through the lens of feminism, fat acceptance and process theology. I also do recipe and book reviews. My mission is to spread the message that hope is always real for a better life, despite living in a world that is often very harsh.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Today I Have Hope

I finally made it to my first water aerobics class this morning and I had a great time! The water felt wonderful and I felt light and bouncy. I had been putting it off, because of several foolish reasons. The first one being that I get very nervous when exercising with people. Usually when I exercise at a gym, I am extremely paranoid the whole time-I imagine that everybody else there came to the gym just to stare at me and is secretly laughing at me. The second one being that I was afraid I would feel awkward, because I knew I would probably be the youngest one there by far. Well, I was, but as a testament to my recovery I found that I did not feel awkward at all. Or maybe I am just more grown up, as I hardly wondered about what the others were thinking. OR maybe I was just too distracted! I loved the way the water comforted my joints. I felt at ease and was totally absorbed in trying to do the exercises.

The women there were a great inspiration to me too. Not one was a skinny mini! There were many different shapes and sizes of women and this was comforting to me. I felt a sisterhood with these women for these were not women exercising, because they are obsessed with losing weight, but because it feels good to move. I suspect that many of these women also have joint pain and we are all doing something positive to further our recovery.

The last time I saw my nutritionist she told me that I need to move more. I replied that it would be hard to not think about exercise purely as a way to lose weight. She reminded me that exercise also raises endorphins and eases stress, but I remained skeptical. I left that appointment feeling like I would never get to that point and I am not totally there yet, but today I felt like I took the first step towards all those things. Today I have hope that those goals can be mine after all.

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