I talk honestly and openly about my experiences with mental illness, fibromyalgia, and chronic fatigue syndrome through the lens of feminism, fat acceptance and process theology. I also do recipe and book reviews. My mission is to spread the message that hope is always real for a better life, despite living in a world that is often very harsh.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Psalm 38

O Godde, Do not remain angry with me.
I am angry enough with myself!

I have destroyed my body
And I am bound by stress.
I repeat my foolish ways over and over
And no one wants to be near me.
Why should You?-

Every time You speak,
I plug my ears.
Every time You listen,
I stop talking.
Every time You try to calm my heart,
I stop Your hand.

Do not give up on me!
Be patient, for I am
Trying to surrender unto Hope.
Soon I will wear myself out
And then I will let You catch me.
Do not let me go.
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Oops! Somehow I skipped over this psalm when posting! For the original, go here.

I'm a little mad at myself right now, because I wasn't feeling good this morning and so missed one of my favorite meetings for the second week in a row. I am trying to tell myself that this is what happens when one is sickly and that is not my fault. I am still trying to deal with my limitations. My feelings did make it easier for me to write this psalm. The psalm is about being sick, because of the person's sin, which made me think immediately of my eating disorder. Like I have said many times before, I do not believe Godde hands out sickness as punishment, but one can cause one's self to be sick through stress or addiction. And while at first, the consequences may not be the person's own fault, as the person learns coping skills, then the person can begin to see choices to make. Early in recovery it is very hard to choose health, because it is so easy to do what one has always done. But as one starts choosing healthier choices, the road to recovery becomes easier and easier. So this psalm is dedicated to Eating Disorders Anonymous, which I missed this morning. If anyone is struggling with an addiction, keep on trying and eventually you too will be able to "surrender unto hope."

3 comments:

  1. I also immediately apply a lot of the Psalms songs to my own ED. It actually really helped me to accept God's love, instead of punishing myself for my "sin" and weakness.

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  2. Awesome Psalm there! Great word-crafting!

    ReplyDelete