I talk honestly and openly about my experiences with mental illness, fibromyalgia, and chronic fatigue syndrome through the lens of feminism, fat acceptance and process theology. I also do recipe and book reviews. My mission is to spread the message that hope is always real for a better life, despite living in a world that is often very harsh.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

"Embrace this God-life" and My Struggle with Anxiety

Embrace this God-life. Really embrace it, and nothing will be too much for you. (The Message Bible, 102)

This quote almost seems ironic to me right now, because I have been held captive by anxiety lately. I got a new job and my anxiety level has been so high that I had to cancel today. I have been a nervous wreck, which has made me exhausted and emotional. Tomorrow I am going to see the doctor. It's frustrating, because I am doing everything I know how to do-I am taking my medicine, going to support groups, talking to people, but it is obvious to me that something has got to change. I think I am going to go back to therapy for at least a little while. The one good thing is that even in all this anxiety, I have not had thoughts of hurting myself. It used to be that every time I got stressed or depressed, I would resort to self-harm or suicidal thinking, but I have not this time. Instead, with the help of my parents, I have decided to tackle this bout of anxiety head-on and call my doctor, which makes me think that the phrase, "nothing will be too much for you," does not mean that life will always be easy, but that it will always be at least manageable. To someone who has lived half of her life in crises, that is good news.

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