I talk honestly and openly about my experiences with mental illness, fibromyalgia, and chronic fatigue syndrome through the lens of feminism, fat acceptance and process theology. I also do recipe and book reviews. My mission is to spread the message that hope is always real for a better life, despite living in a world that is often very harsh.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

I'm Breaking Out of a Rut and Into a Wonderful Breakfast Sandwich

When I was consumed by my eating disorder, I lived by order and repetition. I tried to eat as little as I could get away with and when I did eat, I ate the same things, day after day after day. Then, as I got better and started grocery shopping on my own, I got into a rut where I would not buy anything unless it was on a list or a coupon. I am still working on getting out of my ruts. One way I try to do this is by buying the meat at Ingle's that is "reduced for quick sale." I figure the meat will still be good as long as I put it in my freezer right away, I save money, and perhaps most importantly, it oftentimes forces me to cook a kind of meat or cut of meat that I would not normally choose. Tomorrow I'm cooking drumsticks for this very reason.

Several weeks ago, breakfast turkey sausage links were the reduced item. I bought the item with some trepidation, for even though they have less fat and grease than regular sausage, breakfast sausage are one of my top fear foods. And I have to admit that when I cooked my first sausage, right before I took a bite I thought to myself, "Whew! I've cooked one, I'll try it, and then I can throw the rest away!" It was a very eating disordered thought, but I was convinced that I would not like it. I was SO wrong! In the end, I did not throw out any of the sausages, and instead I learned to enjoy every bite.

Now you know that I love sandwiches and I quickly discovered a great way to eat the sausages-on a cinnamon raisin bagel, with a slice of provolone cheese. Dip the bagel into pure maple syrup and your mouth will be so happy! Who knew that cinnamon, maple syrup, and turkey sausage goes so well together?



I used this maple syrup and I am glad I did. Please, please, please if you ever make this sandwich for yourself, do not use an imitation, low-cal syrup. Maple syrup was another one of my fear foods when I was eating disordered, because of all the calories. But life is meant to be enjoyed and low-calorie syrup is not enjoyable. Anytime I hear someone say something like, "I'd like to eat this, but I'm watching my carb intake..." I want to scream, "Just eat the damn food!" Food is essential for our survival, but I believe it is also meant to be enjoyed. I don't know exactly where this falls in theology, but recovery has taught me something that I did not used to believe was true: God wants us to be creatures of joy and to delight in Her creation. One of the ways we can delight in Godde's creation is through food.

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