In the first one, replace "Ava" with "I."
Okay, so I haven't had a completely "magical transformation"-my illnesses aren't cured, I don't have a full-time job, I'm still single, etc., but my life has been a whole lot calmer since I accepted that my exhaustion is going to return. A couple of posts ago, I talked about how I was trying to accept my periods of exhaustion and my life has gotten a lot better because of it. My therapist often says that resistance causes suffering and I am believing her more and more. Now that I am not resisting my exhaustion, I do not feel as frustrated-instead of viewing my tiredness as something that I must fight, I view it as more of a relationship that I must honor by taking naps and not forcing myself to do as many activities. The funny thing is, now that I have accepted it, I have actually had more energy! I think a big part of the reason is that by accepting my situation, I haven't been as anxious lately. Anxiety can really make one tired! This has proven to me the power of acceptance and I truly am beginning to believe that no matter what, everything will be okay.
I was becoming so anxious and panicky a few weeks ago, because I didn't want life to go on if I was always going to be so tired. I hadn't yet realized that my tiredness would not last forever-it comes and goes. Even more importantly, I hadn't yet realized that even if my tiredness did last, everything would be okay if I could just learn to accept it. Once I accepted my energy level, then I could do something about it and I actually did. One, I am taking better care of my body-I make sure to take a short nap almost every day and I haven't been socializing quite as much. I'm still social, but the more relaxed attitude has definitely helped. Slowly, I am trying to let go of my need to be the perfect superwoman. Two, I had an honest talk with my new doctor about my energy level and we decided to try some things to counteract it. First, he got me tested to see if I had a thyroid problem and to my surprise I don't. It turns out that I am really healthy, which really is good news. Secondly, he lowered one of my medications and I think that's what did the trick! The medication is Zyprexa and besides weight gain, it is also known to cause drowsiness. I didn't think reducing it would produce that big of a difference, but I have really noticed a change in myself over the past few weeks. I feel apprehensive about my increase in energy, so I am still taking things slowly, but I am hopeful. Cautiously optimistic. I have actually had enough energy and motivation to clean several parts of the house, so that is a step in the right direction. People sometimes say to not have expectations, so you won't be disappointed-well, that is very hard to do, but I am trying. I do feel like something inside me has changed lately and I like it. I am handling problems with more grace and I am becoming better at using my DBT skills. Everything is going to be okay. I think I am beginning to believe it, because I am seeing it-I had also worried and gotten panicky about seeing a new doctor, but I prepared for it in advance and I had a productive and positive session with him. Everything is going to be okay. Everything. I might always have to take naps. I might always only be able to work part-time. I might not get disability. I might stay single. But everything will be okay. Life will not always be easy, but with acceptance, I know that life will always be worth living.
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As former NFL quarterback Don
McPherson said, “We don’t raise boys to be men. We raise them not to be women,
or gay men.”
"But he's such a good
guy" is not a defense. It only means that he, like everyone else, is
a complex human being capable of multiple behaviors. It only means that
he acted like a good
guyaround you. It only means that he treated you well, not that he
treats everyone well. It only means that you ignored the evidence and
waved away the testimony because it made you uncomfortable, and there's nothing
people with privilege hate more than being made to feel uncomfortable.
I’ve never gotten an email
on “robbery prevention, with advice like, don’t wear expensive clothing or nice
jewelry, don’t drive an expensive car, don’t purchase pricey electronics or
have too big of a house. The message is simply, “don’t fucking steal” but, in a
rape culture, a message of “don’t fucking rape” just never got off the
ground.
Regardless of
whether all bodies are beautiful, all bodies deserve respect.
Planet of the
Blind-NPR: Unfit to WriteAbout Disability
a nation that believes in
work is also a nation that believes in accommodations.
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