I talk honestly and openly about my experiences with mental illness, fibromyalgia, and chronic fatigue syndrome through the lens of feminism, fat acceptance and process theology. I also do recipe and book reviews. My mission is to spread the message that hope is always real for a better life, despite living in a world that is often very harsh.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

HAWMC Day 3 - Frustration and Fun

Today's prompt is very simple-find an image that illustrates your condition and experiences.  Immediately, an image came to my mind and here it is:
 
I know it's not very inspirational, but it's how I often feel. If I could describe my illnesses in one word, it would be "frustrating."  For instance, I have felt out of sorts all day-low energy, slightly achy, a little emotional, a little blue.  I think most people feel this way from time to time-it certainly wasn't bad enough to be called a depression, but when I feel this way I don't know if it's just a temporary thing or a sign that I'm becoming depressed again.  I hate not knowing.  Also, in my therapy session today, I gave my therapist some forms to fill out to help me get disability.  The papers contained questions that asked how severely my illnesses prevent me from working and she had to mark "severe" for most of the questions.  I already knew that that was what she had to do and that it was true, but it didn't feel good just the same.  It is so frustrating to know that I have progressed a lot in the past year and yet know that I am still not well enough to work full-time.  Sometimes I just want to pull out my hair and scream from disappointment and frustration.

But I don't want to end this post on a sad or bitter note, so I will present you with a cheerier image of a woman-me!  Here is a picture of me wearing a fun outfit at a party last year:
(the shirt is from Cato - the silver stripes are sparkly, but you can't really tell from the photo)  I went to a party last year and had a lot of fun seeing some friends that I don't get to see that often.  So, you see, I don't feel like pulling my hair out all the time!  It's good to look at pictures like this and remind myself that just because I can't do some things doesn't mean that I'm a failure.  I have a rich social life and good friends.  I take pride in my appearance and have fun.  Mental illness and fibromyalgia may have me wanting to pull out my hair sometimes, but that feeling is not the end of the story.  The end of the story is that I am continuing to get better and I have friends and family that support me.  When all's said and done, that's pretty good.

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