I bet you never thought I'd never get back to telling you about my Virgin Islands vacation! Sadly, I keep on running out of spoons to write, because I am so busy! Busy day, resting day, that's how it goes with fibromyalgia....
But today I write.
Day six was maybe my favorite day - we went to Drunk Bay. You walk down a short trail and then are greeted by the ocean and a rocky shore.
Beautiful! But then you turn your head and slowly you realize that you are not alone-hundreds of rock people are lying about, staring at you!
I thought they were creepy. Still do. I would love to send these pictures to Steven King in the hopes that he would write a book about them, but I am sure hat he gets similar requests from people all the time and does not want to get bothered with my story ideas.
I was entranced and spooked-I kept on imagining ghostly stories about the rock people!
I made two of my own and of course, I went for the creep factor:
However, my dad saw them as whimsical, which just shows you how different our perspectives are, BUT some of them really were quite cute.
If you ever go to the Virgin Islands, go to Drunk Bay on St. John's. Like me, you may come away feeling chilled to the bone or like my dad, you may come away feeling silly. Either way, you'll want to explore and see every statue. It will inspire you to be creative and to play with the rocks to create your own little person. You will then daydream the rest of the day about the first person to create a piece of art there, perhaps never knowing that it would spawn hundreds of other creations.
Months later, I am working on my perspective to try to turn to one that is a little more positive in the subject of love. As you may have noticed, I tend to turn toward the creepy and dark faster than most.
I am frustrated. I am bisexual, but I lean more towards women. I have dated mostly men in the past. I am ready to date women. I feel in my heart/gut that this is just the period in my life when I need to explore being with women. I value my times with men, but it's just not what I'm feeling right now. I need to honor that. It's hard to remember that when I make a connection with a man. It's hard to remember that when it seems like every single man that I meet falls in love with me at first sight. (I think I'm going to start a tumblr account called Fat Heartbreaker.) Where I need to shift my perspective is that I worry that every time I say, "no" to a man that I am losing out on something wonderful and I will be alone for the rest of my life, but this is not true and deep down I know it. What is really true is that every recent male relationship leads me back to thinking about women and so I am already losing out on something wonderful, because I am not fully invested in the straight relationship. Furthermore, I will only be alone for the rest of my life romantically speaking if I continue in this way. I need to look at my saying no to men as an opportunity to say yes to women.
Saying no to men is an opportunity to say yes to women!
I am not putting men down by thinking this way-in fact, I am protecting them and myself.
I don't write about my sexuality often, but I am writing about my frustrations here, because no one I have talked has really been able to relate specifically with what I am going through, but I figure someone out there is and maybe this post can be of some help.