Thankfulness for Sadness
Though the fig tree may not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines; though the labor of the olive may fail, and the fields yield no food; though the flock may be cut from the fold , and there be no herd in the stalls-yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation. Habakkuk 3:17-18I am very sad. Yesterday, my roommate and I had to put our other roommate's dog down. It was one of the saddest things I have ever done. Opal was a beautiful black lab with a sweet heart. She greeted everyone at the door with a shoe and in fact, often would wait up for me late at night, even though she was not my dog. I thought it was funny how she would turn to look at me and give me a little kick with her back leg when I would stop petting her.
I petted and petted her yesterday as she was dying. I cried off and on yesterday, took a nap, ate ice cream, visited with a friend late at night and colored to soothe myself. It's funny, but as I was doing my nightly gratitude list, the main thing that I thought of was that I was glad for my heartbreak. I still am. I am glad that I can feel. I am glad for the reminders of such a sweet being. I am glad for the joy that she brought while on Earth. I am glad that she is no longer in pain. I am nervous for what the house will be like when the roommate-owner returns. I am sad. I am glad that I can feel all these things and not want to die. I can get what I need done and still be gentle with myself. This sadness will probably last a while and the waiting is hard too, but it still does not have to turn into depression. I can take care of myself and for that I am grateful and proud.
I am glad I can feel, for if I could not, then I would not be aware of just how much Opal meant to all of us.