I talk honestly and openly about my experiences with mental illness, fibromyalgia, and chronic fatigue syndrome through the lens of feminism, fat acceptance and process theology. I also do recipe and book reviews. My mission is to spread the message that hope is always real for a better life, despite living in a world that is often very harsh.

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Thankfulness for Sadness

Though the fig tree may not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines; though the labor of the olive may fail, and the fields yield no food; though the flock may be cut from the fold , and there be no herd in the stalls-yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation. Habakkuk 3:17-18
I am very sad.  Yesterday, my roommate and I had to put our other roommate's dog down.  It was one of the saddest things I have ever done.  Opal was a beautiful black lab with a sweet heart.  She greeted everyone at the door with a shoe and in fact, often would wait up for me late at night, even though she was not my dog.  I thought it was funny how she would turn to look at me and give me a little kick with her back leg when I would stop petting her. 

 I petted and petted her yesterday as she was dying. I cried off and on yesterday, took a nap, ate ice cream, visited with a friend late at night and colored to soothe myself.  It's funny, but as I was doing my nightly gratitude list, the main thing that I thought of was that I was glad for my heartbreak.  I still am.  I am glad that I can feel.  I am glad for the reminders of such a sweet being.  I am glad for the joy that she brought while on Earth. I am glad that she is no longer in pain.  I am nervous for what the house will be like when the roommate-owner returns.  I am sad.  I am glad that I can feel all these things and not want to die. I can get what I need done and still be gentle with myself.  This sadness will probably last a while and the waiting is hard too, but it still does not have to turn into depression.  I can take care of myself and for that I am grateful and proud.

 I am glad I can feel, for if I could not, then I would not be aware of just how much Opal meant to all of us. 

 Give your pets a hug today and be glad.

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