And it shall come to pass that just as you were a curse among the nations, O house of Judah and house of Israel, so I will save you, and you shall be a blessing. Do not fear, let yor hands be strong. Zechariah 8:7-8
It's funny how the universe works. All my life I wanted to be part of a theater company and I thought I would need extensive schooling and training to be great. When I had to switch majors from music performance to English because of my anxiety and depression, I felt like a total failure. I was giving up my dream, I thought, forever.
All those years spent thinking and dreaming of being onstage since a young child did not go to waste, however. I am now part of a theater company. I've found that our intentions come true but never on our own time frame. In order to perform successfully, I had to learn how to be totally in the moment and how to let myself go - two things I learned in DBT.
The Rise Theater is a theater company in Georgia made up of people in recovery. We collaborate and figure out ways to tell little snippets of our recovery stories in the most creative way possible. Our stories are powerful, deep, and empowering. It occurred to me yesterday after a performance that I am now living my dream - it's not in the way I originally wanted it to be or in the time frame I wanted but I am now doing what I love and have always wanted to do. I always wanted to support myself as an artist and while I am not there yet, I no longer see it as a failed dream. I am currently working on another altered book to submit in an art contest and the goal is to get enough funding for The Rise Theater players to be paid. In short, I now feel like there are possibilities where I used to see failures. I am on my way. I do not know exactly what it will look like but I now know that I will one day be able to support myself, at least partly, onstage and on canvas.
If there is something you really want, think about it night and day. Think about it in a positive way - don't dwell on your fears. Take a deep breath. Unfortunately, our intentions do not manifest instantly. The universe - higher power - God - has to prepare us and make us ready to step into success. We have to let go of fear in order to embrace our future in a positive, recovery centered way.