It is only the women whose eyes have been washed clear with tears who get the broad vision that makes them little sisters to all the world. ~ Dorothy Dix
In this age of social media, it is easy to get caught in an endless quest for validation. I definitely get caught in wanting more likes, more comments, more approval from strangers I don't even know. And yet, I am much better than I used to be!
It used to be that I did not know how to give myself validation and I thought all of my deep, intense feelings were horrible and wrong. I thought I was "too much" - my feelings were a sign that I was mentally messed up. Then I discovered blogs where people spoke of their intense feelings as gifts and Marcia Linehan's DBT, where she said that we could learn how to regulate our own emotions, gave me a lot of hope. My therapist taught me how to ask for validation when I need it, instead of being melodramatic and passive aggressive in order to make someone give it to me. I was thinking about all of this the other day when I driving in my car and feeling some intense emotions, because I was able to smile and tell myself that I am ok.
We are emotional creatures and all emotions are okay. Happiness and joy are grand, but the lows of depression and the jumpiness of anxiety and anger are liveable too. It is all okay, because they all go away; no emotion lasts forever, a concept that took me a long time to believe. Happiness makes life worth living, but so does anger, as it can propel a people to make much needed changes. Anxiety can stimulate a person to plan for the future. All emotions can be useful if a person can reassure themselves that through it all, they are okay. And if you can't reassure yourself in the moment, it is totally fine to find someone you trust and ask for reassurance. We all need it sometimes and right now, I think we need it more than ever. My own emotions have been fluctuating from joy to boredom to a whole lot of anger the past few weeks and I think that's to be expected with Trump being president-elect. I expect that I will experience a whole lot more anger when he is in office. I will use this anger to act and I will continue to look for moments of joy, peace, and happiness.
Validate yourself and if you can't do it yourself yet, then listen to me: your emotions are fine, you are fine, and you have the right to feel whatever it is you feel. You are not wrong or too much, but you can learn how to stop resisting and just be in the flow. Come join me.