I was watching the new show, Smash, the other night, which is about a musical being written about Marilyn Monroe and the two women that want to have the leading part. One of the ladies was bemoaning about how hard it is to get called back from auditions and was hypothesizing that she was too skinny and not sexy enough. "I wish I were fat," she moaned. The audience, of course, is supposed to understand that fat people are never sexy and that this woman-I don't remember the character's name-is seeing fatness as an escape. "Oh, if only I were fat, then I would never have to worry about my looks-there'd be no use!" I call this bullshit. Being sexy is all about being comfortable in one own's body. It's about self-confidence and chemistry-only fools think it's purely about size. I should know-I am fat and I am sexy! I'm sexy in the times when I feel good about myself and I take pride in my body. I don't feel good about myself all the time, but when I do, I am hot and captivating. So are you to at least someone, no matter what your weight is. I took these pictures several months ago on a day when I was feeling good and sexy about my body.
Aren't those leggings fun? I wish I knew where my mom found them! I got the shoes from Goodwill.
On a side note, it's hard to feel sexy and to take pride in one's body when one is in the clutches of mental illness. Whether the illness is depression or anxiety or schizophrenia, taking care of the body just doesn't seem that important when one is striving to take control of one's own mind. Now that I am feeling better, I have noticed that I am wearing lipstick and styling my hair more often. Hell, I am showering more often! Perhaps there will be some more recent pictures of me soon...
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