Peace is not ignoring the reality of the world, rather, it prevents us from from seeing the world as narrowly we otherwise might. (69, Monica A. Coleman)
Today was a hard day for me body image wise. I went out to eat with some friends, but I wasn't very hungry, so I didn't really want to order anything to eat. I'm a little embarrassed to say that I had trouble concentrating on the conversation, because I was so focused on my food and weight. I'm having trouble accepting some recent weight gain. Right now, I'm keeping a food log and together my therapist, doctor, and I are going to try to determine if the weight gain is from my food or the medication.
I realized, though, when reading this quote from my friend, that I had not had peace today, because my view of the world was way too narrow. Only believing that thin people are beautiful, healthy, or deserving of positive attention is wrong. I am beautiful, fairly healthy, and loved and I am fat. Not only that, but I seem to be gaining weight. In order to have peace, I need to broaden my world. I need to constantly remind myself that I am beautiful and I am loved just the way that I am. I am as healthy as I can be. There is nothing wrong with me and my body. My fatness does not make me bad or wrong-it just is. I still want to find out what's going on with me medication wise, but with my viewpoint broadened, the sense of urgency is gone. I am at peace.
And one day when I felt beautiful, I took some pictures of myself in one of my favorite skirts:
The skirt is from Cato, which is an excellent store-they have lots of great plus sized clothes!
My hair almost matches my flower and shirt! It makes me feel happy and beautiful to see these pictures of myself. For the rest of tonight, I am going to remind myself to keep my thoughts about beauty, health, and love broader, so that it includes everyone-not just those who are supermodel size.
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