I Vow To Be Kinder To My Body and Mind

February is over and it occurred to me that I haven't done a post about it being National Eating Disorders Awareness month yet. To be honest, I've been very anxious and depressed this week. Fortunately, I am feeling much better after having talked about my feelings with friends and in support groups. The main reason why I have been stressed is because I am too hard on myself. To further elaborate, I went to a candlelight vigil for eating disorder awareness last week and it triggered some of my old eating disorder thoughts to come back.  I heard some stories of recovery and all I thought to myself was, "I didn't get sick enough.  I'm a failure."  I didn't even realize I was thinking this way until my therapy appointment a few days later.  Once I realized how eating disordered my thoughts still were, I beat myself up emotionally.  For days I would alternate between wanting to be sick again and being angry at myself for feeling that way.  But tonight when I shared during my support group, I was reminded by several people that those feelings are just part of the disorder.  I am not fully recovered, but am "in recovery" and I will always have to fight my eating disorder from time to time.  It's just a part of my life.  I was told that instead of beating myself up for having some eating disordered thoughts, I should congratulate myself for not acting on them.  They're right-I am WAY too hard on myself.  I think I am going to start making a list every night before I go to bed of at least five things that I have done that day for my recovery.  It can be small things or big things, but I need to start being kinder to myself and I think this will help.  I will post them on my tumblr page.

So things that I can continue to do that will help my eating disorder recovery are taking pictures of myself when I feel good and by cooking nutritious and yummy food.  Here is my last February fatshion pic for the year:
(Don't worry though, I'll still post fatshion pictures throughout the year.) I just LOVE the top!  Isn't it fun and flirty?  I got the shirt from Hot Topic and the pants from Torrid.  I must say that Hot Topic's sizing is frustrating, as this XL fits me perfectly, but other shirts in the same size sometimes run way too small.  I have learned the hard way to always try on their clothing before buying.

And then there's this foodie beauty: Cheese Grits Quiche
Isn't it beautiful?  It was my idea to add the sliced tomatoes.  I also substituted turkey bacon for the ham in the recipe.  Southerners know that few things are better than cheesy grits.  The texture was perfectly creamy and I loved that this was a healthy comfort food.  I will definitely make this again!

I think there is no better way to honor National Eating Disorders Awareness month than by promising to be nicer and gentler with myself.  I will work on treating my body and my mind with greater care and mercy.  I know that this will be hard for me, but it is a worthy goal.  I challenge you to be kinder to yourself too.

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