I don’t usually cry while watching movies, except if an animal gets hurt, but Joyful Noise makes me teary every time. I get teary when Walter, who has Asperger’s, tells his mother (Queen Latifah) that he’s angry at Godde for making him the way that he is. Walter cries out, “Why can’t I be normal?” and my heart cries out too. There are times when I am overjoyed at the person I have become and then there are times when I fall into the comparison trap and I long so desperately to be “normal.” I thought about this even today, as I had to stop my car on my way to church, because I was crying so hard. For about two weeks, I have been even more tired than usual and it is really frustrating. On top of being so tired, I got really triggered Saturday and have been emotionally reeling from the experience even today. I am embarrassed by the way I overreacted to the situation on Saturday night and I have caught myself wishing that I was normal. I have to remind myself that really, no one is normal. As one of my mentors likes to say,
“Normal is only a setting on a dishwasher or a washing machine!”
Fortunately, I am becoming more and more comfortable with myself, but I certainly know where Walter’s feelings and desires are coming from. I just wish that Walter’s mother had told him that it is okay to be angry. In fact, a little anger is quite “normal.” It is better to healthily express our anger than to bottle it up and I absolutely believe that Godde can handle our anger. It is perfectly alright to be angry with Godde-after my friends, Bryce and Dan, killed themselves I was angry at Godde for years. Sometimes I still am, but it’s okay-I don’t believe my Godde will abandon me over my feelings. In fact, I believe that my Godde feels angry at my injustices and the injustices of the world too.