Joyful Noise Part II

July 8, 2012

I don’t usually cry while watching movies, except if an animal gets hurt, but Joyful Noise makes me teary every time.  I get teary when Walter, who has Asperger’s, tells his mother (Queen Latifah) that he’s angry at Godde for making him the way that he is.  Walter cries out, “Why can’t I be normal?” and my heart cries out too.  There are times when I am overjoyed at the person I have become and then there are times when I fall into the comparison trap and I long so desperately to be “normal.”  I thought about this even today, as I had to stop my car on my way to church, because I was crying so hard.  For about two weeks, I have been even more tired than usual and it is really frustrating.  On top of being so tired, I got really triggered Saturday and have been emotionally reeling from the experience even today.  I am embarrassed by the way I overreacted to the situation on Saturday night and I have caught myself wishing that I was normal.  I have to remind myself that really, no one is normal.  As one of my mentors likes to say,

“Normal is only a setting on a dishwasher or a washing machine!”

  Fortunately, I am becoming more and more comfortable with myself, but I certainly know where Walter’s feelings and desires are coming from.  I just wish that Walter’s mother had told him that it is okay to be angry.  In fact, a little anger is quite “normal.”  It is better to healthily express our anger than to bottle it up and I absolutely believe that Godde can handle our anger.  It is perfectly alright to be angry with Godde-after my friends, Bryce and Dan, killed themselves I was angry at Godde for years.  Sometimes I still am, but it’s okay-I don’t believe my Godde will abandon me over my feelings.  In fact, I believe that my Godde feels angry at my injustices and the injustices of the world too.  

 Next time I will talk about my thoughts on the movie's common usage of the word “crazy.”  Stay tuned!

Recommended Links:

Healing from BPDDear Non-BPDs
A Human Story - The Morality of Eating
Stopping dividing food into categories of good and bad was one of the most healing things I ever did on my road to recovery from disordered eating, by taking away the guilt I always experienced eating certain types of foods I took away a lot of the anxiety and panic I had fought for a long time around eating.

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