Listen To The Holy One In Your Midst

April 14, 2016

My heart churns within me; my sympathy is stirred.  I will not execute the fierceness of my anger; I will not destroy Ephraim.  For I am God, and not man, The Holy One in your midst; and I will not come with terror. (Hosea 11:9)

At my job, I talk to a lot of people with different views and I can't always challenge people the way I'd like.  Because we're trauma informed. And sometimes that's really hard.  It forces me to listen though.  Behind prejudice and Trump support, there is fear, some of which is legitimate. When we meet fear with more fear and anger, then things get worse. When we listen, acknowledge, and challenge with compassion, then things get better.

In response to this quote:

Or that you're extra special if you work with them as your job. I used to work with adults with developmental disabilities and one of my pet peeves was being told how wonderful I was for working in that field.  I worked there because I loved it, not because I was some hero. It would be more heroic to do well in a field that I didn't enjoy.

The whole parenting thing is such a sore subject for me.  There was one comment for an article that I realize now was really triggering.  A parent said that "when people who aren't parents say they are exhausted they. Just. Can't."  It made me feel horrible.  Because a part of me really does want children but logically there's no way I could.  I thought to myself when I saw that comment was, "then you don't understand mental illness."  I had to go back down to part time because of my exhaustion level.  That's without kids.  I started having suicidal panic attacks on a regular basis again. I know for a fact if I had kids then I would either be dead or would have to give them up because of my mental and physical illnesses.  I know I shouldn't take what one parent said who has no idea who I am personally but today I wasn't able to let it go.  It brought up all these feelings of inadequacy and just ugh self-hatred of being the way I am.  Being told that someone's exhaustion is worse than yours just because of one factor when nowhere in the awful article did it mention actual panic attacks where one wakes up in the middle of the night and is nearly hospitalized.  Just ugh.  All types of people experience exhaustion and sometimes people who have no kids and have extra time still have ways of being that prevent them from taking the self-care they need.

(I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted! I would have added'physically,' but I can still move my pinky.)

One comment on “Listen To The Holy One In Your Midst”

  1. Rather than staging an "Oppression Olympics", I like to talk with people in other marginalized groups because of what I can learn -- about how oppression works, about how people cope with it, about finding common ground to build alliances working for the liberation of all, about how one group's experience is different from another's so our alliances leave nobody behind. And besides all that high-sounding stuff, I just plain enjoy meeting all sorts of different people, marginalized or not, and hearing their stories. Connecting with people makes life so much richer.

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