Live Fully Into Today

January 7, 2010

How do you like my new layout? I think it's crisper looking.

Canadian bacon was on sale the other day, so I bought some, as I really prefer it over regular bacon. But then I had a conundrum-I had never cooked with canadian bacon before and the only dishes I knew that call for it are breakfast dishes and I was using it for dinner! So I went to and typed in "canadian bacon" and a recipe for macaroni and cheese popped up. It looked good, but I was a little unsure. I had never made homemade macaroni before-it had always been on my "no" list of foods, but the recipe looked easy, so I decided that homemade mac & cheese should be on my no list no longer. And I am so glad that I did, because the recipe is fabulous!

1 cup elbow macaroni
6 strips Canadian-style bacon
2 tablespoons butter
2 1/2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 cup canned tomatoes, (Italian seasoned) half-drained
1 cup shredded Cheddar cheese
1 teaspoon dry mustard


1. Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add macaroni and cook for 8 to 10 minutes or until al dente; drain.

2. While macaroni is boiling, fry or broil bacon and place on paper towel to drain. Cut into bite size pieces.
I'm pretty sure that I used butter to cook them in. There was a time when I was deathly afraid of butter, but I have since amended my ways! But it might have been olive oil-both would work and I honestly cannot remember which I used! Whoops! Caution: A commenter on the allrecipes site warned that one should not fry the bacon too long, or they will be chewy. Fortunately, I did not, but it is good advice.

3. Melt butter in a large saucepan over medium low heat. Stir in flour, then tomatoes and mustard and wait for sauce to thicken, stirring occasionally.
The mustard was not in the original recipe, but a commenter added that they used it, so I decided to give it a try.

4.When thickness is to your liking, stir in cheese until it has melted.
5. Stir in cooked macaroni and bacon and heat through. Serve hot.
I served it with steamed broccoli that had a sauce of butter and lemon juice on it. More and more, I keep on thinking about all that I would miss out on if I let my eating disorder get in the way-I would never have made a big dinner for my family, I would not have bought the bacon, or cooked with butter, or used a dish with so much cheese, but I am so glad that I did all those things. Life is meant to be lived intensely, as Monica Coleman would say in her book, "Making a Way Out of No Way," and that includes intense flavors. I am so thankful to be where I am in my recovery, but something that I am striving this year to be better at is being grateful for where I am, period! I have moped about because I do not live where I want to be and it is easy to compare myself to others and think that I have "lost." She has a better house, is independent, has a partner, blah, blah, blah... My goal for this year is to live in the now. So what if I don't have a significant other or live independently? I have people who love me and I live rent-free with them! I have just started on my step four in the twelve steps, which is where one does a personal inventory and looks at all their resentments. I know that I will have page after page of resentments and foolish comparisions to write about and that is okay. I need to address these issues so that I can live more fully for today, for really, we do not know how long we have to live on this earth and we need to live fully into today.

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