I feel the need to start off this post acknowledging that I am having a lot of knee pain in both knees. Having this constant pain makes it hard to concentrate on the things I actually want to do, like writing this blog post. One of the core principles of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is the concept of mindfulness. Mindfulness is basically staying mindful on one thing at a time, which is why it is sometimes called, "one-mindedness." One of my best friends calls it "staying in the day." It is the opposite of multi-tasking and it is a good thing. Although multi-tasking is still very much encouraged in the workplace, it has actually been proven to not being nearly as productive and error-free as concentrating on one activity or thought at a time. What is so great about mindfulness is that I have found that when I divest all of my energy at the task at hand, then I don't have any leftover energy to divest in worrying. My anxiety has gone down considerably lately, most days anyway. But constant pain makes it really hard to stay mindful and so I am going to call my doctor on Monday and get a recommendation for a good rheumatologist. I've never seen a rheumatologist before, so I'm a little nervous about it, but it's not time to worry about that yet-first, I have to find out who to call.
My knee pain actually is connected with my original topic. Today I had to fill out more forms for my social security disability benefits application and it was hard not to get a little bogged down writing about all the things that I cannot do anymore. No, I cannot hike anymore. No, I cannot do aerobic exercise. No, I cannot hold down a full-time job. But yes, I am still a good person. Yes, I still have things to contribute to society. Yes, I am still enough. After completing the forms, instead of wallowing in my shame, I chose to make dinner instead. My knees and hips were hurting and it hurt to stand, but I took the time to cut up the vegetables anyway. I gain a lot of satisfaction in making good, healthy, tasty food and I felt sort of defiant in continuing to cook. With every chop of the knife, I sliced a bit of the shame leftover from filling out the forms away.
I made beautiful, colorful, shrimp tacos. I got the recipe from the Gorton's company website. I was going to use their coupon to buy some seafood and I wanted to see if I could do more with their product than simply heating them up.