May was saying that when it is time to die, go ahead and die, and when it's time to live, live. Don't sort-of-maybe live, but live like you're going all out, like you're not afraid. (211, The Secret Life of Bees).
The way to all-out live is to follow your intuition, to follow in the way that the Holy One compels you to live. (Me).
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. (Henry David Thoreau)
The other day I was talking with some peers and I was asked if I have any regrets. It's a hard question - there are many decisions that I have made that I would do differently if I had another chance. Then again, it is precisely those mistakes that have made me the person I am today, so I cannot truly say that I regret making them. I have learned that mistakes are often opportunities to grow and learn. It doesn't mean they don't suck in the moment though.
I kept on thinking about that question the whole day and I realized I do have some regrets.
I regret the times when I did not follow my own intuition.
So many times I have looked to others to supply the answers for my problems when I already knew what I needed to do. In this society, we are taught to place certain people's opinions and beliefs above our own. We are taught to never question our doctors, parents, romantic partners, best friends, sponsors, mentors, life coaches, teachers, therapists, bosses, religious leaders, police workers, our history, our culture, the worship of capitalism and material things, commercials, fitness gurus, Oprah, Gillian Michael, Gloria Steinem, the medical model, etc. It is good to seek direction from those we trust but there have been times in my life when I knew in my gut what I needed to do, the future I really wanted, or the society I wanted to help create and have been told to do something different. These people had logical arguments and usually meant well but the truth is that nobody knows me better than me, except for my higher power. And what's funny is that I usually end up following what I felt inside anyway but it would be nice if I could actually go confidently in the direction of my dreams instead of first falling into the fires of others expectations.
I have written about this before.
I am getting better but it is still hard. I think the author of the famous "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams" quote (Henry David Thoreau) forgot to add that confidence does not come easy. What has helped me is learning how to listen to my body. I have learned the importance of silence and self exploration. I ask God less for things and instead sit in silence with my mind open to what She has to say. If the body is a temple, then I already have my answers, even if sometimes guidance and outside validation is helpful. I do not need a dietician to tell me to measure my portions - I can learn to listen to my body and with practice, stop when I am full. I do not need a doctor's fears to force me into a hospital but I may need some extra support for a while. I do not need to base my existence onto making other people happy but I do believe it is good to strive to be kind and loving.
When I close my eyes and am completely still, I can become more aware of the smells, sounds, sensations of the world around me, of my own inward pain and pleasure, and to the voice of The One inside me that knows that I am enough, that I am powerful, that I am all that I need. At these times, life becomes easier. The voice of The Holy One is warm and wraps itself around me. The Holy Spirit beckons me to act in a way that I cannot refuse. I search myself and distinguish what is the pull of fear and what is the pull of love. Once I open my third eye, I find that I actually can distinguish between right and wrong, between fearful inertia or panic and a love force that is so strong that it practically pulls my heart out of my chest.
I am going through both a wonderful and a hard time, but that is not unusual. The whole world is going through both a wonderful and a terrible time. So much frantic, fearful chaos everywhere - it is time that we all learn how to be in touch with ourselves and the force of love. It is time to listen to ourselves, to Mother Earth, to the cries of the past and to the dreams of the future. Let us go confidently in the direction of our dreams, not ignoring our fears but still keeping our allegiance to our hearts.
You can hear me sing this song in an earlier post.
Intuition Is The Highest Form of Intelligence - Forbes - Bruce Kasanoff
Wise Mind: Experiencing Integration & Intuition - DBT Self Help
Tender Photos of Black Men That Redefine Masculinity - Vice - Antwoin Sargent
Studio 8 is Developing Comic Series Where Only Black People Have Super Powers, as a Feature Film - Shadow and Act
I refuse to regret anything. Everything I've experienced, everything I've ever done, is a part of me -- has contributed to who I am today. To regret any of it is to wish away a piece of myself, and I've worked hard learning to love the person I am. Damned if I'm going to wish any of me away.
Yes, even the times when I have not followed my intuition only served to finally prove how much I needed to. 🙂