Psalm 36

March 13, 2010

The wicked dread facing Godde,
But I look upon Her with awe,
Admiration, and wonder.

The wicked disregard wisdom
And even in their sleep
Do they dream of doing evil.

But I dream of your loving mercy,
For your marvelous lovingkindness
Is endlessly deep and wide.

God is like a mother bird
Who nourishes and protects her young.
She gives them life!

O soul sustaining Mother Bird,
Mother me some more-
Fill me with your lovingkindness
Go here to compare it to the original.
I am really busy! Today in one of my groups, I talked about how I am constantly having to decide what stays in my life and what doesn't. What do I do and what don't I do. Sometimes I wonder how I got to be so busy! But the one thing that must always be first in my life is a life committed to recovery. I am slowly learning how to listen to my inner, deeper self.

Last year I attended a workshop about the Enneagram, which is a way to understand different personalities. According to the program, I am a 4, or a Romantic. On our best days we are intensely creative, but on our worst, we are intensely centered on people pleasing. I say that because today I had to turn down an activity with a friend and it was really hard, because I wanted to please that person so badly, but I also felt that there is somewhere else that I may need to be that day. In any case, I had to say no to someone, which can be so hard to do, but I think it is vital for recovery. It is very important in recovery to learn how to balance life's demands and that is something that I am currently really struggling to do.

On another note, I really love the idea of Godde as a mother bird. I must say that I really do look upon Godde with awe, admiration, and wonder and I give thanks every time I eat something that I would not eat before my journey into recovery. It may seem sort of funny, but the other day as I was eating my lunchtime sandwich, I thanked Godde for the mayonaise! So rich and creamy-I just could not believe that there was a time when I was afraid of a condiment! I may be busy, but I am even more grateful to be where I am and to eat foods that nourish both my body and my soul.

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