You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. [S]he's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat. (19, The Message Bible)
When I was sick in my eating disorder, I did not want to spend money on food. Under the guise of being thrifty, I would save money by not buying food, but really, I was being miserly. And sick. The truth was that I did not believe that I was worth spending money on. I was not worth food. My father told me that if I want to save money, it is much better to spend money on food, than ending up in the hospital and having to pay a big hospital bill. Makes sense, doesn't it? His statement did help me see logic, because as we all know, eating disorders are not logical.
Now that I am no longer depressed, I enjoy buying food at the grocery store and at restaurants. Logic and joy has been restored to my life! Like the quote, because I am so grateful to Godde for restoring me to health, I am hungry for spiritual fulfillment as well. Fortunately, you can satisfy both at the same time!
Look at all that food! I got fajitas last Saturday after my Saturday night AA group. The group usually goes out to eat after the meeting in order to continue fellowship. We have a lot of fun and I love being with a whole group of people that are committed to recovery.
Fajitas are a sort of overwhelming meal for me to order, because so many plates come out with food. In the past, I might have wanted some fajitas, but I would have felt that my food should not take up so much space. It would be another manisfestation of my low self esteem and believing that I am not worthy to take up more space than I absolutely require. But not anymore! I am a child of Godde and if I am craving fajitas, then I am worth ordering them.The next day I went out to eat with my church at The Corner Pub. I love these people-Circle of Grace is the family I have chosen for myself. From left to right the people are Antoinette, Dede, and Karen, the minister's wife. Karen and I laughed and laughed as we tried to figure out who the musician was we saw on a poster in the restaurant. The singer was a black, dynamic singer that was in the movie, Blues Brothers, and I finally had to call my dad. Just as I came back with the answer, Karen shouted out, "Cab Calloway!" Good thinking, Karen!
Dede and Karen shared nachos, which looked great, but I had my own dish: the ABCLT Sandwich! (apple, bacon, cheese, lettuce, tomato)
The sandwich reminded me of the provolone and apple sandwich I had made earlier in the week. Let me just say that bacon and apples go very well together! The sandwich had a great crunch. You may be surprised to know that a well made sandwich is actually my favorite kind of meal!
Eating with the folks at AA or church not only feeds my stomach, but my soul. I cannot think about fat grams or calories when I am laughing and smiling. Sometimes after church, my minister will pose a thoughtful question and we will have a thoughtful debate with dinner. I also find that as food and thought obsessions die down, I am left with a hunger for Godde. Right now I am studying with my minister, because I hunger to learn about Godde and to preach. I am definitely blessed!
Yes, you're blessed. And I'm so glad God restored you to health, too. And that you are now able to laugh with fellow blessed people, and eat and enjoy yourself. That is the best gift ever!