You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. [S]he's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat. (19, The Message Bible)
When I was sick in my eating disorder, I did not want to spend money on food. Under the guise of being thrifty, I would save money by not buying food, but really, I was being miserly. And sick. The truth was that I did not believe that I was worth spending money on. I was not worth food. My father told me that if I want to save money, it is much better to spend money on food, than ending up in the hospital and having to pay a big hospital bill. Makes sense, doesn't it? His statement did help me see logic, because as we all know, eating disorders are not logical.
Now that I am no longer depressed, I enjoy buying food at the grocery store and at restaurants. Logic and joy has been restored to my life! Like the quote, because I am so grateful to Godde for restoring me to health, I am hungry for spiritual fulfillment as well. Fortunately, you can satisfy both at the same time!
Look at all that food! I got fajitas last Saturday after my Saturday night AA group. The group usually goes out to eat after the meeting in order to continue fellowship. We have a lot of fun and I love being with a whole group of people that are committed to recovery.
Fajitas are a sort of overwhelming meal for me to order, because so many plates come out with food. In the past, I might have wanted some fajitas, but I would have felt that my food should not take up so much space. It would be another manisfestation of my low self esteem and believing that I am not worthy to take up more space than I absolutely require. But not anymore! I am a child of Godde and if I am craving fajitas, then I am worth ordering them.The next day I went out to eat with my church at The Corner Pub. I love these people-Circle of Grace is the family I have chosen for myself. From left to right the people are Antoinette, Dede, and Karen, the minister's wife. Karen and I laughed and laughed as we tried to figure out who the musician was we saw on a poster in the restaurant. The singer was a black, dynamic singer that was in the movie, Blues Brothers, and I finally had to call my dad. Just as I came back with the answer, Karen shouted out, "Cab Calloway!" Good thinking, Karen!
Dede and Karen shared nachos, which looked great, but I had my own dish: the ABCLT Sandwich! (apple, bacon, cheese, lettuce, tomato)
The sandwich reminded me of the provolone and apple sandwich I had made earlier in the week. Let me just say that bacon and apples go very well together! The sandwich had a great crunch. You may be surprised to know that a well made sandwich is actually my favorite kind of meal!
Eating with the folks at AA or church not only feeds my stomach, but my soul. I cannot think about fat grams or calories when I am laughing and smiling. Sometimes after church, my minister will pose a thoughtful question and we will have a thoughtful debate with dinner. I also find that as food and thought obsessions die down, I am left with a hunger for Godde. Right now I am studying with my minister, because I hunger to learn about Godde and to preach. I am definitely blessed!