"Recovery" Does Not Equal "Appropriate"

1. Recovery is all about learning how to deal with the fact that we cannot be in total control.  We cannot be perfect ever and accepting that fact is a cornerstone of all types of recovery systems.  

2.  Crying IS often appropriate - it's our society that tells us that it is better to hide our emotions behind a stoic mask.  I was practicing a scene I wrote that triggered traumatic memories-crying is a normal, rational response to trauma!

What does the term, appropriate, even mean?  Appropriate to whom? Or what?  When we think of what is appropriate, usually it is part of a system created by someone else.  At the center where I work, acting appropriately means being trauma informed.  At school, appropriate means raising your hand when asking a question.  At many offices, appropriate means wearing a suit and tie.  These are other people's rules, not our own.  Sometimes there are good reasons behind following these types of guidelines, but we should never base our worth onto conforming to someone else's needs or desires.  Trauma informed environments are great for mental health, but are not ideal for a comedy club.  Raising your hand makes sense in a classroom, but is not needed when about to confront someone's misogynistic behavior. A suit and tie is needed to impress in the courtroom but would be ridiculous in athletics.

Women have always been told that telling our stories of sexual harassment, assault, and abuse are inappropriate-boys will be boys-but that is not true.  It is appropriate for a woman (or male) to speak out if we are going to make progress as a nation. Tears are appropriate and anger is definitely appropriate.

Here is a poem I wrote a few days ago based on a scripture from the Wisdom of Solomon.  I hope it keeps you angry.  I think I am going to stop telling myself to be appropriate from now on and just let myself be me.