My NAMI peer-to-peer class is almost over and I have learned a lot, but it was probably last week's class that has meant the most to me. In it, we heard from a loving husband and how he lives with his wife, who has paranoid schizophrenia. The man is also very involved in NAMI. He talked about listening to her and about how much he admires how hard she works for her recovery. For me, it was very inspirational to hear someone talk about having a loving relationship with a person that has a mental illness, because to be honest, I have wondered a lot whether there is anyone that can handle me. Yes, I am much better, but I may always need to be taken care of to an extent-I will at least need to be more careful than most about stressful situations. Stress causes me to hallucinate and to want to restrict, therefore I have to be extra careful about my workload. I also have arithritis at only 28, so I simply cannot do as much as most. I need someone who can help me and respect me at the same time. I need someone who is good for my recovery. I told the man about my worries about finding that "someone special" and he asked me a question.
Are you actively looking for someone?
I answered, "yes" and what he said next shocked me and reassured me.
Stop it! Live your life. The universe will find the person for you.
In other words, Let Go and Let God. Life is a lot better when I just live it and not worry too much about if I am doing everything the way I am supposed to. What he said was also a lot more reassuring than when other people have told me "to put myself out there" with the implication that I am not doing enough. My recovery comes first! I simply cannot spend all my time looking and searching for a significant other, but I must trust that everything that I need will happen in its own time.
Another thing that he said that I keep on thinking about is this:
Tomorrow will be different than today.
This is actually a quote from his father who lived into his nineties. His father was born in 1914 and think of all the changes that have happened in technology in his lifetime! And then think of the changes in his personal life-he said this particular saying in the last year of his life, when he went from being independent to living with his children. The point is, no matter how bad or how good life is, one thing is for certain-it will change! When I was younger, my philosophy could be summed up as, "I hate change," but now I almost love it, because I know that change is often wonderful. I keep on thinking and thinking about how different my life is from a year ago today. A year ago, I was still miserable in Milledgeville, with a horrible job at a major department store. Today, even though I am living with my parents, I am much happier and am about to start a job that should be much more suited for my personality. Change is good and I am glad that I finally am accepting this, because you know, it is inevitable.