Peace is the gift from God that allows us to trust in the process. (70, Monica A. Coleman, Making a Way Out of No Way)
In my last therapy session, I was not trusting in the process and so I was not at peace with myself. I just got denied by disability and I felt defeated. I cried a lot. I looked at my life and it seemed like I was in the same space that I was in a few years ago and that made me sad. But the fact of the matter is that my life story is not over and the process that is my life is still evolving. There is still hope. Coleman says that it is peace that allows us to trust in the process, but if that is true, then it is true that is is also the outcome. I feel more peaceful when I trust that things will work out. I know life will not end up the way I think it will and frankly, that is a relief, because what I come up with causes me a lot of anxiety. What I need to do is the hard work of living my life doing the next right thing-calling Social Security and asking them some questions, perhaps getting a lawyer, and most importantly to continue working on my recovery. I will continue to go to therapy, doctor's appointments, and support groups, to take my medications and practice my coping skills. There really is nothing wrong with my life right now as it is. Today I did an In Our Own Voice presentation for NAMI and at the end I stated that I am proud of my life right now. I feel like I want my life to change when I start comparing my life to what others have, but what I need is more peace and trust in the process of living that is my life. My life does not need to be like anybody else's - it is my own and when I look at life that way, then I am proud of what I have accomplished and I am peaceful from trusting in the process. Perhaps I should write myself a note that reminds me to "have peace-trust the process."
I just watched the video from Jannsen the other day (I believe the fist lady in the video is you?) and I was touched by what a nice piece they put together!
Yes, you need to get an attorney for your SSID. You can file an appeal without one (and it will likely be denied). Your attorney will be able to get you benefits and they will have to give you your back payments in one lump sum (kind of nice when it comes) My son just went through this. He couldn't get SSID (no work history) but we got him SSI on the first try (I was as shocked as anyone). if you have any questions, I might be able to help. I'm pretty good at navigating the maze of bureaucratic paperwork.
You will get there!