Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. ~ Aristotle
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
Fear of people and of economic (and housing) insecurity will leave us.
~ First and Tenth Promise of the 12 Steps
I am so excited! After so many years of living with my parents, I am finally moving out and I would not be able to be trusted to do this successfully if I was not living in recovery. In the past, I have lived on my own or with roommates while I attended college and the situation always spiraled out of control after a while. Hospitalizations, extreme loneliness and neediness, relapses into disordered behavior would always happen and after coming home from college, I worked hard on my recovery. Unfortunately, I experienced more relapses; fortunately, those relapses pushed me to work even harder and to take two rounds of DBT classes. Now that I have been practicing using my DBT skills on a regular basis for several years now, have a strong support network of trustworthy friends, knowledge of support groups, and a future plan should I start to feel a little shaky, I am confidant for the first time since being diagnosed with severe mental illness that I can live on my own with success. Success means happiness, independence and freedom-it means living in love, instead of fear.
BUT before I get too carried away....I must wait. For I am not moving out until the end of this week. The best thing to do when the waiting is hard in my experience is to keep yourself busy in order to keep the anxiety at bay. Bumpyboobs post, "Ten Things To Do While Waiting for Test Results" has many good ideas, including blogging, which prompted me to write this post. Instead of pacing the floor (I have already pretty much packed), I will now take you back in time to the fifth day of my Virgins Island vacation.
First we snorkeled at Maho Bay. I enjoyed seeing lots of coral and fish in beautiful focus using the "turtle board," which we decided to rent out for the rest of the trip. My dad took some great pictures using my underwater camera:
Aren't those pictures gorgeous? Argh! Looking at them makes me want to go back! If I can't physically go back, then I will just use my imagination as I look at more of these photos...
After a nap, my family hiked on the Cinnamon Bay Factory Ruins Trail. This cute little lizard greeted us at the beginning of the trail:
The ruins are from an old sugar factory.
I thought it was another instance of creepy beauty.
I especially like how the forest seemed to be reclaiming what used to be a site of exploitation.
The trail is a .5 mile loop that goes through the forest to the crypts of a Danish family. Creepy.... Besides looking at the man-made structures that were becoming one with the forest, I admired the forest itself. I thought the trees were simply gorgeous, like graceful goddesses with their arms stretching to the sky:
And as I look at this "Stinky Donkey Dip Ahead" picture I laugh and my anxieties seem to melt away.
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