April 2013 Book Reviews

 Before I get to my book review, I am happy to announce that psyweb.com has now published the second part of my recovery story.  They liked my story so much that they asked me to write another article about how I deal with my fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome for their sister website, myfibro.com.  How exciting!  I'll let you know when you can read it.  Also, you may have noticed that Hope Is Real! now has its own domain name!  You can now find this blog at the address hopepersists.com  Hopepersists is my twitter handle, so hopefully that will make it fairly easy to remember.  Don't worry though, if you put in my old address, you will automatically rerouted to the right site.  Having my own domain name is more professional and it is the first step in my journey to turning this blog into a book.  I am very excited about my progress!  

But on to the books:
Both books I finished in April were for my classics book club, although I wasn't able to attend the meetup, because my aunt was in town.  We had fun!

The Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man by James  Joyce – I would give this book about three and a half or maybe four stars.  I am fascinated about stream of consciousness writing and just Modernism in general so I had wanted to read this book for a long time.  To my surprise though, much of the book didn’t really seem to be fully stream of consciousness to me.  It is supposed to be the more mainstream companion to his most major work, Ulysses, which I have also always wanted to read.  I will read it one day!  The story is simply a character study of you guessed it-the artist as a young man, although the main character’s name is Stephen Dedalus.  Even though I was not raised Catholic, I could relate to his fundamentalist upbringing with his worries about going to Hell.  My parents are not fundamentalist, but they couldn’t save me from the influence of the youth minister that came to our church when I was preteen and tasting the first fruits of depression.  She was pretty conservative and I started ruminating and worrying about whether I was good enough and whether I would go to heaven or not.  Unfortunately, I think that is a fairly common experience in the Bible Belt. Nearly everyone I knew at the time belonged to a church’s youth group and while it helped us gain some friends, it also helped us gain a lot of neuroses too.  If I ever have kids, I will do more investigating on the youth minister’s beliefs and practices before letting my children stay in his or hers care.  Back to the book, I really enjoyed and related to it until about three fourths through and then the story just seemed to fizzle out.  It took me a long time to read it, because my interest just fell flat towards the end, which is why I did not give it five stars.

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde – This book, I enjoyed the whole way through.  It was a fun read and I read it pretty fast.  I wasn’t too excited about reading it, because I already knew the general story, but it turned out to be very enjoyable.  Dorian Gray really turns into a despicable character and it’s interesting to try to figure out what is making him so.  Is it really all because of Lord Henry’s influence?  Or perhaps it is Basil’s fault for praising Gray’s looks so much.  Because Gray is so stunning, no one wants to place the blame on Gray, himself-surely a person’s inner beauty is reflected on the outside, right?  This same mindset reminds me of the privilege bestowed on thin people in today’s society.  A fat person is considered ugly by today’s standards and lazy and unhealthy and unintelligent.  Surely, we say, their looks indicate that there is something wrong with their character...  I really recommend this book-it’s fun, exciting, and still raises questions about the way we are quick to excuse the actions of the people our society deems beautiful and our society’s preoccupation with youth. 

HAWMC Day 29 and 30 - Praising My Strengths

Today is officially the last day of the Wego Health Activist Writer's Monthly Challenge!  What I liked about it was that the daily prompts helped me write more often and to think about topics that I wouldn't normally write about.  (That was my very short recap-day 30's topic.)  But I am going to go back in time by one day and complete yesterday's prompt-talk about three things that I can do well.  What a fun topic, right?! 

Finally, I have a prompt that lends itself easily to food-porn!  I haven't done a post about food in a while and I am glad to do so.  I really do love to cook and I love trying out new recipes.  I am a very harsh critic, which is one of the reasons why I haven't been posting recipes as much as usual-I like to only post recipes that I really like and I tend to be a harsher critic than my parents are.  For instance, while I liked this recipe for stuffed bell peppers, my mom absolutely loved it.  I made it a long time ago and had almost completely forgotten about this recipe until yesterday when I ran across these pictures.  I made it on a day when my dad was out of town, because he doesn't like peppers of any kind.  Fortunately, his being out of town coincided with a package of three green bell peppers that were on manager special.  Some people think it's gross to eat food that is on manager special, but I don't see a problem with it as long as I cook the food right away. 

Stuffed Bell Peppers

I had never made stuffed bell peppers before, but had always wanted to.  I finally got my chance when my dad went out of town!  I thought this recipe had good results and the finished product looked pretty!  (The recipe is actually from weight watchers.  They have some pretty good recipes that are good in their own right, in my opinion.)

Ingredients

•     3 medium green bell peppers, halved and seeded
•     1 medium uncooked onion, chopped
•     2 cloves garlic cloves, minced
•     1 4 1/2 oz canned diced tomatoes
•     1 can of corn 
•     1/2 tsp chili powder
•     1/2 tsp table salt
•     1/4 tsp black pepper, freshly ground
•      1 cup cooked brown rice

Instructions
Preheat the oven to 375°F.
In a large pot of boiling water, cook the bell peppers until tender, about 4 minutes, then drain. To prepare the filling, spray a large nonstick skillet with olive oil nonstick spray and set over medium heat. Add the onion and garlic; cook, stirring frequently, until softened, about 5 minutes. Stir in the tomatoes, corn, chili powder, salt, and pepper; bring to a boil. Reduce the heat and simmer, stirring occasionally, until the flavors are blended, about 10 minutes. Stir in the rice.
 Stuff the filling into each bell-pepper half. Place the stuffed peppers in a shallow 2-quart casserole. Cover with foil and bake until heated through, 20–25 minutes. Yields 2 bell-pepper halves per serving.

Here's a close-up shot:
The result was pretty satisfying-much more filling than I thought they would be.  I would probably add a little mozzarella if I make them again, but my mom thought they were perfect.  To make them spicier, you could use a can of rotel, instead of plain diced tomatoes.  I love the presentation!

I have learned that I love to cook and that I cook pretty well.  I made an awesome dish of roasted brussel sprouts, ham, and mushrooms the other day that I liked so much that I am going to make them again tomorrow.  I will definitely share the recipe with you sometime soon.

Another thing that I do well is write poetry.  Well, I am good at writing in general, but right now I am thinking about some poetry that I wrote recently.  I usually write my poetry when I am upset.  It really helps me process my complex emotions.  I find that it is much easier to express myself through poetry than in prose when I am really upset-I feel like the short, descriptive phrases are able to reach much further into my psyche than is possible than with prose.  There is a closeness, a vulnerability, that belongs to poetry and poetry alone.  Here is a poem I wrote during Easter to explore my own theology:

Am I A Christian?

I call myself a Christian.

But I don’t believe in a virgin birth.
And I don’t believe that Christ rose from the dead,
Except metaphorically.

I believe we all live eternally

In the memories of the people
Still “alive.”
We all live forever-
Our bodies decompose
And become one with the Earth.
We give life to the trees,
Who in turn give us life
Through the oxygen they provide.
In this way we never
Fully die and we never
Were really born.

Godde is the life that connects us.

I learn about living in the Holy
One’s way through the stories of the Bible.
Christ’s way is the path I choose to follow.

 I call myself Christian,

But I am tired of pretending.
Sometimes I feel like
I don’t belong anywhere.

It is hard to hear

About ghosts moving furniture
And people ascending into heaven
Or descending to Hell
Without rolling my eyes.

 I don’t believe in Hell

And I don’t think I believe in Heaven.
I don’t need to-
I am satisfied with the cycle circle of life.

I am looking for someone like-minded;

For a place where I don’t have to pretend.
I don’t want to hide.

At church, we speak the same language,

But we mean so many different things.
That is the way of the world though.

I am tired of speaking in metaphors.

I want to find someone
Who can match my passion and
Intensity, dedication and logic,
But who is not over sixty or married.
I am afraid I am alone.
I am afraid that there is no one
Who wants to break down the
Walls of the patriarchy with me;
No one who feels the pull of the Sacred so deeply
That I choose to keep on living in my mortal form,
Even though that means a lifetime of longing
For what I cannot have-
A lifetime longing for death
And yet knowing that my peace
Would not please Godde.

 Sometimes it seems like this world

Is a terrible injustice-
A terrible price to pay
For the beauty of being alive.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I really like it.  It expresses some of the spiritual issues that I was inwardly wrestling with at the time.  You can also tell that I was a little depressed and extremely frustrated by the language I use towards the end.  I don't feel depressed or nearly that frustrated anymore, which goes to prove how helpful poetry can be!  This brings me to my third good quality - I have good insight and I enjoy exploring my feelings and ideas.  I used to think that everybody did that, but as I have met more and more people in therapeutic settings, such as outpatient hospital groups and therapy classes, I have learned that many people do not possess such self-awareness, insight, or even a willingness to try to understand themselves.  I am almost always willing to explore my issues!  Being self-aware, I believe, helps me enormously.  When I am sure of my beliefs, my strengths, and even my weaknesses, then I am more self confident.  I know what I can be proud of and what I can improve.  I believe that all human beings are imbued with more power than we can even imagine and the only way that we can begin to realize it is by being willing to look inward and explore and get to know ourselves intimately.  This kind of self exploration involves vulnerability and I think a lot of people are not willing to go that far.  When a person is vulnerable, she risks being hurt, disappointed, and feeling intensely uncomfortable.  All of these things are painful, but the reward at the end is the satisfaction of knowing yourself more intimately.  Getting to know myself is a job that never ends, but it is a job that I really enjoy doing.  Besides, getting to know myself by writing poetry and by creating art is fun to me and incredibly satisfying.  There is a joy that comes from being able to express myself fully and well.

This has been a longer post than usual-I hope you enjoyed it!  What are three of your strengths?

HAWMC Day 27 - The Name Game

If I turned my blog into a book, what would the title be?  Well, that's easy-Hope Is Real!  Hopefully, one day that book will be a reality.  The first step to doing that, I think, is to have my own webpage, instead of using the Blogger platform.  So far, I don't have any plans for next Saturday, so unless something really great comes up I am making that day my work on a webpage day.  I'm excited and skeptical at the same time.  People say that it's pretty easy converting a blog from one platform to another, but I've written over five hundred posts!  Egads!  Whether converting those files from this source to another, or trying to determine which ones to include in a book, the number is a little daunting.  So, I'm trying not to think about it.  No sense in worrying about it before I've even started researching how to do it in the first place!

While the title for my book is exceedingly obvious, it does remind me about a title I once gave to a story I wrote that is sort of embarrassing for me to admit.  When I was in RVI's outpatient program two years ago, I had to write and tell my life story.   The title I came up with for my life story was "The Girl Who Never Stopped Screaming and Crying."  Oh my God, is that not the most melodramatic title you've ever heard?  I am so embarrassed; I just want to run and hide! 

There is a reason why I gave it that name though.  At the time, I saw my story as a series of events where I desperately cried out for help with my condition, but nobody ever responded appropriately.  And in some instances, that was true.  I think of the time during my middle school years when I informed my youth minister that I sometimes thought of killing myself and all she did was tell me that if I ever thought of that again, then I should call her. 
***That was not the right thing to do!!!!***  She should have told my parents.  Of course, if you had asked me then if I wanted her to tell my parents what I had said, I would have said no, but that's only what I would have said with my mouth-inside, I desperately wanted my parents to do something.  If she had told my parents, they would have tried to get me help much sooner and perhaps I would have been spared years of suffering.  But perhaps not-it's no use thinking about what could have been.  Which takes me back to the title of my life story-while it is true that there were times when I cried out for help and not enough help was given, it is also true that I very rarely asked directly for help.   On the one hand, I did not know how and it would be really wonderful if we had workshops where we taught young people how to ask for help and if we could de-stigmatize mental health treatment.  BUT we live in reality and in reality, I never actually asked for help.  In fact, I actively strove to hide my eating disorder, depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts.  I don't say this to shame myself, but just to remind myself that I need to take responsibility for my recovery.  Two years ago, I looked at my life through the eyes of a victim.  I was a victim crying and shouting desperately for help, but now that I have more coping skills and a better support network, I realize that I no longer want to identify as a victim.  If I were to present my life story again, I wouldn't change much, but I would change the title.  What would it be?  I think a great name would be My Journey to a Life Worth Living.  In fact, that so happens to be the title of an article I wrote to psyweb.com about my recovery!  I got contacted by that website to write my recovery story and I am proud to offer the first part here.  I'll let you know when the second part is published.

I'm interested in knowing-what would you title your own autobiography?

HAMWC Day 23 - Why I Love Social Media and My Ideal App

Yes, I am going out of order again!  I am not liking most of the prompts as well as I did last year, nor do I have as much time as then either.  Oh, well.  Day 23 is all about social media and technology.  First, what would my life be like without social media?  I know when I started using social media-in 2007, when I first started going to Georgia College and State University for a degree in music therapy.  Everyone was using Facebook to keep in touch with people and I had been so out of it that I didn't even really know what Facebook was!  That's probably because the students and classes at my previous college, Georgia State University, were not so nearly connected.  GSU is huge, in the middle of Atlanta, and for the most part people just go to class-the campus is too big and too urban for a lot of socializing.  I suppose that might have been different if I had joined a sorority or a club, but I joined social groups that were not geared towards college students, like my church and Lips Down on Dixie (the local Rocky Horror Picture Show group).  At GCSU, the atmosphere was completely different.  If you wanted someone to contact you, you would just say, "Facebook me!"  So many people were on Facebook that I realized that I needed to join or I would be ostracized.  I got a friend to help me figure out MySpace and Facebook and I have been busy in the social media world ever since.  MySpace is now obsolete, but I still obsessively check Facebook every day and I promote my blog also on Twitter, Tumblr and Google +.

What would my life be without social media sites?  I would feel a lot less connected.  Through MySpace, I found a bunch of old friends from Berry College that I had lost touch with and it felt wonderful to see them again.  It still does.  MySpace let me reconnect with my best friend from Berry College and that surely is a blessing.  We had both needed to take a break from each other for a while as we sorted out and healed from our own pain and it is a joy to have her back in my life again.  We are both much happier people now and even though we live several hours away, we try to see each at least several times a year.  In fact, we are going to get together in about a month for my birthday celebration.  Through Facebook, I have continued to keep in touch with old friends and I have even made some new ones that even though I have never met them face to face, they are people who are still very dear to me.  Like I talked about in my last post, seeing different people being vocal in supporting LGBTQI rights or mental health rights - I belong to several mental health groups on FB - even if it's just in posting a rainbow, an equality sign or the NAMI logo, helps me feel more empowered and less alone.

Now if I could design an app that would help me keep track of my condition?  I have a great idea and if anyone reads of my idea and then wants to make it, be sure to send some of the money my way!  I would like a medication tracker app, where you could list all the medication that you've previously taken, why you took them, and why you don't take them anymore.  And then when you're put on a new medication, you log in the dosage and the reason for taking it.  Your app would put the info on a chart and there would be space to write down if you think the medication is actually working in the way that it should and what kind of side effects you are experiencing.  (Each time you would enter in a medication's name, the app would automatically link it to a page that would list all the possible side effects and their probabilities, as well as the medication's purpose.)  This would be a great tool for the consumer to share with their doctor.  By tracking your medication's impact on a regular basis, you would have a much more accurate picture of whether the medication is actually beneficial or not.  Using an app like this would have really helped me communicate with my doctors better and it would have prevented so much grief.  There have been several times where I have forgotten why I stopped taking a certain med a few years ago, only to rediscover why when I try it again and then experience unbearable side effects.  This app would be great for anyone who has a condition that requires multiple medications, but especially for those with mental illness, because so often finding the right psychotropic medication is trial and error.  Many people with mental illness have tried dozens of different kinds of meds before figuring out what really works-I know I have!  Of course, I could just make my own chart, but it would be so much easier and fun to use if there was an app that I could download to my smartphone.

Here is a crude example:

Week of 4/21/13	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday	Sunday
Cymbalta	Headache	n/a	migraine			Less depressed, but had a headache
Zyprexa					Gained .5lb
Inderal			Lethargic	Dizzy

Wouldn't that be handy? Ok, so I obviously could keep up with a homemade chart now, but it would be so much more convenient and fun if it was in a super cool app! Where would you be without social media? Do you have any ideas for a healthcare app?

Recommended Links:

Ela’s Words in the Web - Don’t Believe WhatThey Say About Adversity! — #HAWMC 21

There is adversity aplenty just moving from one day to another. The idea that the best work can come out of adversity is tantamount to telling me not to take my meds or advising someone who needs oxygen to leave their tank at home.

You Are Not Alone

In this culture you are not a person with an illness, when it comes to mental illness, you are the illness.  Do you ever hear anyone say “that cancer person”? But you do hear “that mentally ill person.”

HAWMC Day 22 - Simple Pleasures

Day 22 asks me what simple things give me pleasure, inspiration, and support for my condition.  I can think of many things!  Just this morning, I felt inspired by seeing the red equality signs all over facebook.

In support of the gay marriage rights cases going on in the Supreme Court, many people, including myself, have replace their regular profile with this red equality sign.  It's such a simple thing, but it really does help me feel less alone. Approximately 5% of my facebook friends are using this sign as their profile picture and while that is a small number, it is enough to offer me comfort and solace.  Feeling not isolated and alone goes a long way towards creating good mental health and it also reminds me of how wonderful I felt the first time I didn't feel alone in my diagnosis.  It happened for the first time in 2005 when I attended Skyland Trail for eight months.  I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder at the time and I felt very alone and embarrassed, because I had never met anyone with my condition before.  At Skyland Trail I met many individuals with schizoaffective disorder and we would talk about our shared difficulties.  It was so wonderful to be able to talk with another person who absolutely understood what I was experiencing!  The second time I had that experience was when I took the dialectical behavior therapy class (DBT) class last year.  DBT was designed specifically to help those who have borderline personality disorder (BPD) and the class I took had a mix of people who did and did not have it.  Once again, it was incredibly validating to be learning coping skills with other people who struggled in the same way that I did.  We didn't glamorize our problems or our negative coping mechanisms, but we offered each other support and praise when talking about a current problem or a current victory. 

 

This prompt is also timely, because I just finished talking with my therapist about how I've had a lot of little victories lately that while they may seem insignificant to the average person, are actually very significant to me. 

 

Here are some of them:

 

1.  The major mental health website, Psyweb.com, contacted me about featuring my blog in their "blogs" section and to feature my "recovery story" in their "articles" section.  I wrote my story down, sent them a link to Hope is Real!, a profile picture to use, and a short bio.  I am very excited about getting this extra exposure and it really validates all the time and work that I have put into this blog.  I'll be sure to let you know when my writing is added!

 

2.  I got invited to attend a fair trade luncheon this weekend for free as long as I write about it on my blog.   Why would I turn down free food?!  Even though this is not a fair trade focused blog, it is indeed something that I very much support and it feels nice to be asked to write about it. 

 

3.  Even better than these two things is the fact that I have had continuous energy for about a whole month!  I can't remember a time when that has happened before!  It used to be that the most I could hope for was about four days of productive energy in a row, but with the Spring weather, the decrease in my medications, and my new, more positive outlook on life I have now had many days where I did not need a nap and have been able to be productive all day long.  This is a major accomplishment!!!

 

4.  This one may be the victory that seems the smallest, but may well be the largest, is the fact that I have been able to keep my room clean for about a month too.  Ever since I first experienced depression in my teens, I have never been able to keep my room clean for more than a week at a time.  I worried that I was incredibly lazy or even that I had some kind of processing disability that prevented me from knowing how to clean my room.  Now that I have more energy and am not depressed, I have come to understand just how awful anxiety and depression is.  Anxiety and extreme fatigue made me feel overwhelmed at the thought of doing just about anything-even getting out of bed in the morning was tortuous!  To be able to clean my room was to possess an amount of energy that I just did not possess.  Now that I have more energy, I no longer feel overwhelmed by the thought of maintaining a clean space.  This gives me hope for the future, because one of the concerns my family has had was that I would not be able to keep my apartment clean enough if I lived on my own.  If this increase in energy continues, then that worry may be a thing of the past and that feels incredibly good!

 

5.  Lastly, the sun is out and Spring is here.  Words cannot express how much feeling the sunshine and seeing the flowers bloom helps me.  Spring wakens me and provides me energy.   It lifts my spirits.  I feel energetic and joyful-my therapist told me today that I looked "light and airy" and for the most part, I do.  Blessed be!

 

What simple things provide you with inspiration and what small victories have you accomplished lately?  Let me know!

March 2013 Book Reviews

The Next Full Moon by Carolyn Turgeon – Carolyn Turgeon is one of my newest favorite novelists.  I first read her book, Mermaid, and absolutely loved it.  Turgeon is known for adding more depth and complexity to already known fairy tales-this book is a take off the lesser known swan maiden fairy tales.  Unlike her other books, this is a book for preteens, but it is still worth a read.  There is a lot of boy crazy dialogue, which usually annoys me in a book, but perhaps because this book was so well written, I didn’t mind it at all.  My only complaint about the book was that it was way too short!  I felt like there were many details that I would have loved to see fleshed out more fully and the ending definitely left me wanting more.  The story was beautiful, but it felt incomplete and I am hoping that Turgeon purposely wrote it that way so that she could follow it up with a sequel.  In fact, if she doesn’t come out with one soon, I may have to write her telling her to finish letting her readers know what happened to Ava, the main character!  I recommend this book to preteen and teen girls, as well as adults.

Evidence by Mary Oliver – Speaking of new favorites, Mary Oliver is one of my newest favorite poets.  I was introduced to her at my church, because sometimes my minister will read some of her poems before the sermon.  In fact, I have heard that many progressive ministers incorporate Oliver’s poetry into the service.  Her poems tend to be about spirituality and nature, but her language is not so lofty as to be off putting. In fact, I would say her use of language is very calming and comforting.   I copied many of her passages into my inspirational quotes book. 

The Dovekeepers by Alice Hoffman - This was the book my feminist book club picked out and I am glad they did!  Even though it is over five hundred pages, I read it very quickly, because I was so absorbed in the story.  The book is about the four women who take care of the doves in the Jewish settlement at Masada.  The true story about Masada is very well known-the Romans built a huge ramp to access the city, but when they got there almost everyone had already killed themselves-only two women and five children remained.  The book is divided into four parts, each part told by the point of view of one of the dovekeepers.  All of the women are strong, likeable characters and it was terrible knowing that two of them were going to die, although it certainly kept me reading the book to see who would make it out alive.  Many of the details in the book are based on artifacts that have been found in the area, which made the novel even more intriguing to me.  Besides a riveting story, Hoffman’s language is absolutely beautiful, reminiscent of poetry.  I heartily recommend this book-it’s not nearly as depressing as it sounds and it actually ends on a very uplifting note, in my opinion.  I have heard that Hoffman’s other novels are also beautifully written and so she is another author that I want to read more of.

Currently Reading

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

HAWMC Day 11 - My New Favorite App - DBT911

Ok, so I am now going out of order in using the prompts, but I am too excited about a new app that my therapist told me about to do the prompt for today.  Day 11 asks me what is my favorite health smartphone app and the answer is absolutely DBT911.  It's available for both the Android and the Iphone.  My therapist recommended that I use this app when I told her that I was disappointed that when I got triggered during my vacation a few weeks ago, I couldn't remember a lot of my DBT coping skills and so I acted out.  I didn't act out as badly as I would have in the past, but still I felt pretty disappointed in myself.  The app takes you to a page where you can access information on mindfulness, distress tolerance, relationship skills, emotion regulation, and validation.  The sections, of course, don't hold as much information as your workbook probably does, but they have enough to refresh your memory.  My favorite part of the app is the "Crisis List," where you can list all of the possible coping skills that will help you in an emotional crisis.  You can even then change the order of your list, so that it reads exactly in the way that will be the most helpful for you.  Here is my Crisis List as an example:

• Call my sponsor.
• Call my therapist.
• Call my best friend.
• Talk to my mom. 
• Take Vistaril (my PRN for anxiety).
• Pray.
• Color.
• Journal.
• Paint.
• Write poetry.
• Listen to my favorite station on Pandora.
• Read my inspirational quote book.
• Take a bubble bath.
• Brew a cup of hot tea.
• Surf the web.
• Eat some chocolate.
• Cuddle with my cat, Arlo.
• Fantasize about something positive, instead of dwelling on the negative.
• Make a pros/con list about acting out.

Isn't it cool how personal you can make it?  Now that I have made this list, I no longer feel disappointed in myself, but empowered, because I am being proactive in my recovery.  Now there are no more excuses for me acting out.  (Except for if my cell phone is not charged up or if I leave it at home, but basically, my excuses are gone.)  Before having this app, I would get triggered and wish that I had my DBT binder with me or that I had a better memory or that I had a DBT self-soothing kit nearby, but I never did.  I mean, who is going to bring their DBT binder or workbook with them everywhere they go?  And who has a perfect memory, especially when they are triggered?  This list is perfect, because I am almost always going to have my phone with me and so no matter where I am, I will always be able to access ideas for possible coping skills, plus other Dialectical Behavior Therapy knowledge that might help me have a better day.  I almost feel like I want to be triggered, so that I can whip out my phone and see if the app really helps!  In reality, I know better than to wish for myself to be in an emotional crisis, but I do feel much less anxious and worried about the next time I face a difficult situation.  This app has really helped me feel both at peace within myself and excited about being in recovery.  Let me know in the comments below if you download this app and if it works for you.  Feel free to share your own favorite healthcare app too!