But not all discord is bad, and discord is always preferable to becoming numb to the world. Discord and conflict are necessary factors in the process of change. Discord can produce hope just as easily as it can produce horror or pain. (67, Making a Way Out of No Way, Monica A. Coleman)
I'm feeling a little sad. It's mostly because I am really tired, but it's also partly because I just read a report from my insurance company about my two previous hospitalizations. It's always hard to see my name and the word, "psychosis" or "suicidal" near it. Those words bring back some pretty bad memories. And yet, as Coleman so eloquently states, the discord that was once in my life-the discord that once produced "horror" and "pain"-also produced hope and a change for the better. The relapses into depression, anxiety, and psychosis prodded me to take my therapy more seriously and to enter into a DBT class. They got me a new doctor and it pushed my family into family therapy. All of these things have proved to be helpful and have produced much hope. My therapist told me yesterday that I am doing better in my relationships than I ever have before and that felt really good to hear her say that. I could have become "numb to the world" and try to ignore my feelings by drowning in my illness. Instead, I chose hope. I chose to take an active part in my recovery and I am glad I did. Being sad and tired sucks, but I am also alive and full of hope.